


The Opus

by Pine (Rivek)



Series: All That is Not Gold [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-02
Updated: 2011-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-23 08:33:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/248303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivek/pseuds/Pine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's a love story, what else is there to say about it? Also it needs a better title, but I've never been able to settle on one so it remains being called "The Opus" because it's something like 18 pages in word.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Alone Like This

**Author's Note:**

> It's a love story, what else is there to say about it? Also it needs a better title, but I've never been able to settle on one so it remains being called "The Opus" because it's something like 18 pages in word.

**Part I: Alone like This**

Sirius Black sat alone in the Gryffindor tower with his feet on the floor and his back pressed against the stretched sofa. It was well worn, comfortable and the soft, crushed red velvet clung to the threads of his robes. He had sprawled himself there some time before, the exact moment was unknown. His hands had stretched over either side of the back, and nails left small tracks on the velvet whenever he shifted, which wasn't often. The hearth was silent, the heat out side made it unnecessary to burn the fire. The blackened brick around it had smudges, where hands had touched and fingers left tell tale tracks of mischief and ideas brewed in the middle of the night.

"Sirius?"

He blinked once. Hoping the voice would go away. It insisted.

"Sirius?"

He turned his head, slowly taking in the sight of someone familiar. Remus Lupin always changed, and was always the same. His hair never fell about his head in quite the same pattern, but it was always a mess. The gray streaks changed their positions with each shift in the moon, and yet they were always present around his temples first and in the bangs that dusted his forehead. His robes were never nice, but always clean. He was quiet, even as he stood there he was quiet. His presence never filled a room, it never drew unwanted attention. Remus Lupin was the antithesis of Sirius Black.

Sirius blinked several times. Strands of his dark hair had fallen before his eyes, and they tickled at his lashes and lids, irritating him. One hand moved deftly and in a single brush had the hair pinned back with the rest of his raven locks. His black eyes focusing steadily on Remus. A shadow showed around his jaw and crept up onto his cheeks and vanished with the approach of thick side burns, he'd neglected to shave in some time.

"Why aren't you with the others?" Remus asked. He came closer still. He was standing at the edge of the couch, leaning forward against it slightly. His robes were too big for him, they had likely fit better at one point or another, but had sagged and drooped as time wore them thin, and Remus struggled with the moon. It would approach full and bright in less than a week, Remus's skin had paled some, and the hollow points in his cheeks and around his sleep deprived eyes showed a little stronger these days.

"Why aren't you?" Sirius found his eyes on the fire place again. He imagined flames there, dancing and laughing. Mocking everything that was done in the room, a breathing witness to the mischief four boys concocted.

"I left to find you." Remus spoke simply. He was always honest.

"Well you found me. Whoop -dee-doo. What's your prize?" Sirius frowned at himself. He thought about saying he was sorry for the tone, but it never left his tongue. What did was crueler than before. "Now, leave."

Remus was quiet. The room was suddenly heavy and Sirius found his fingers itching at the collar of his shirt beneath his own black robes, much nicer than those of Remus but they lacked the character of the others. Sweat trickled down Sirius's brow, and slid into one of his thick , dark eyebrows. He wiped it away with the back of his hand, swallowing around the tightness in his collar.

"He's not going to stop being your best friend just because he's getting married, Sirius." Remus said it softly, though his voice held strength and conviction.

"You think I'm worried about that? I don't need him." Sirius scoffed, and spit the words from his mouth.

"You don't need any one." The challenge was clear in Remus's eyes, as he stared down at the sitting boy.

"Don't patronize me, Remus. I can still take you in a fight." Sirius looked to his friend, his eyes held an anger in them he had not known of himself.

"I'm still your friend too, you know." Remus said at last. The silence in Sirius's stare had deafened him. He sat, uninvited, on the seat next to Sirius. "You don't have to be so bloody boarish to me."

"Why not?" Sirius could feel Remus, their legs touched as they sat. He could smell him too, a cologne that James had passed along to Remus one month a time ago for a birthday present.

"Because….you don't." Remus flushed. His face turned red starting with twin circles on his cheeks that spread and crawled up over his cheek bones and out over his forehead. He always looked as though he'd dipped his head in paint when he blushed, and the color was bright and shinny on his pale skin. It brought the red out in his brown hair, making it less gray and livelier than before.

Sirius found himself grinning. It was crocked, lopsided on his face and had the touch of the impishness that made Sirius such a favorite with the sorts of girls who liked leather jackets, motorcycles and earrings. There was an earring of course, he'd done it some time ago. Only the left ear had been successful with the pins borrowed from Madame Pomphrey. Sirius had chickened out for the second, Peter had fainted when it was done and there were several awkward moments wondering what to do with him. All that was left for evidence of that night was the ring that poked its way through Sirius's ear.

"Ever consider a career in public speaking, Moony? You'd do marvelously." The jovial poke was finished with another grin. They were handsome on Sirius's face, fitting the structure of a firm jaw and full lips some how more naturally than the frown he wore more as of late.

"You're a prat." Remus responded, snorting.

"But a charming one." Sirius was still grinning.

Remus's face reflected annoyance. It was twisted with a frown and crease between his eyebrows as he stared at the darker friend. Sirius ran his hand over Remus's face, pushing the palm against his nose and down.

"Don't frown so much, your face will freeze that way and you'll never get a date."

"I'll never get a date anyway. No one wants to date a werewolf." Remus stared at his knees. They were parted and the robe left a bridge of faded cloth between them. He rested his hands there, helplessly.

"I dunno, someone who likes to fuck dogs would probably really dig you." Sirius slouched and propped both legs up on the coffee table in front of them, leaving a little bit of a boot print on a sheet of paper left by someone in a hurry.

"Sod Off." Remus snapped, this time pointedly screwing up his face in Sirius's direction.

"Just trying to help, buddy." Sirius lifted both hands in surrender. "I thought you should start dating soon, other wise people are going to start calling you a fairy."

Remus lost his frown. His face melted away to something akin to fear and defeat. His head tilted and once more he stared at the space between his knees, wishing it were as invisible as he wanted to be in that moment. His shoulders fell forward. Sirius felt the weight of the room again.

Black eyes watched Remus carefully. They followed his eyes to his hands and beyond further to the robe and imagined the knobby knees beneath, scared from games and frightening curses. He could see Remus's profile beneath a few strands of that sloppy hair, the way his forehead met with his nose and down to his lips. They reflected Sirius's in a way that none did, they were soft and palatable. Sirius thought they were too big for his face, but never said as much.

"Remus…. I err…You know I didn't mean to…" He felt awkward. His hand itched at the back of his skull and he stumbled along the sentence with the awkwardness of a child. "It's not like…I mean how was I - Bugger." He sighed.

"I haven't told any one." Remus confessed, glancing up to look at Sirius. His eyes were wide, rich and caramelized like Sirius's favorite butterscotch candies.

Sirius could see fear in those eyes. He recognized it because he'd seen it before. Remus always had that look just before things went horribly wrong in the shrieking shack. Sirius always stayed with him, black and shaggy as an over grown dog he always stayed with him. And when Remus emerged from the wolf again it was always a crocked grin that greeted him and offered him a piece of chocolate.

"I won't tell any one." He said softly, reaching out to touch his friend's shoulder.

Remus's eyes followed the hand to his shoulder and traced the arm back to the face it belonged to. "Thanks…" He muttered softly. His eyes watching Sirius's.

Sirius didn't smile, which was as unusual the way he looked at Remus. His eyes were fixated, staring with the intensity he was well known to have in those dark pools. His smile was gone, and all traces of it. For a single moment there was nothing cruel, nothing mocking in the way Sirius looked at Remus.

It happened quickly, and Sirius wasn't sure he'd been aware it was coming. Remus kissed him. Just like that. He felt his friend's mouth upon his and suddenly his brain had left him. He'd been frozen for a moment. And then slowly the cold and startling surprise melted away and all that was left was a burning sensation in his gut. His stomach was torn into a thousand knots and his heart raced to his throat and stopped there, beating so loudly his ear-drums ached. Even more surprising than the first touch, was when Sirius let his hand slip into Remus's hair, holding the man's head at the base of his neck. And further still it was surprising when Sirius kissed him back, opening his mouth and sliding his tongue into the others. Sirius found himself pulling Remus closer, drawing him deeper. He pushed the kiss further, deepening it with each haggard breath he sucked through flared nostrils, making him more keenly aware of the smell of Remus so close to him.

Remus's hand touched Sirius's face, ran over the gravely texture of his adolescence and held closely to his jaw, with fingers touching the sideburns of black hair. It was with this touch that Sirius found his sense again. He pushed both hands against Remus's shoulders and flung him back against the arm of the couch.

"Get off me!" He shouted. He stood quickly, tripping himself in his own robes. For the first time since he'd come to Hogwarts, Sirius's external surface crumbled and he stumbled. He never seemed to miss a step, yet in standing he tripped over the edge of his robes and flung himself forward. His hands and knees caught him, with the rug giving enough to avoid any blood being drawn.

"Sirius!" Remus stood reaching out to help his friend.

The offered hands that came to hold his shoulders were shoved away. Sirius got to his feet under his own power rounding Remus with a hate boiling in those black as night eyes. His face was twisted with anger, creasing between his eyebrows. His hands coiled and uncoiled into fists, twitching and trembling in an echo of his spine.

"Get away from me! You…. You…You faggot!" He shoved Remus, hard again in the shoulders.

The other man was smaller, not nearly as tall, nor as thick as Sirius. Remus was sinewy and his gangly arms and legs flung outwards as he was propelled back. He landed on the couch, catching himself there and thankfully not the hard ground. Remus stared up at him, his face echoing a sudden paralyzing fear that had him frozen as he'd landed with arms out and legs spread wide.

"I-I….I-" He stuttered helplessly.

"Shut up! Shut up! You fucking…Fairy!" He screamed the words. His face contorted and his voice raised. "You're an ass hole! I hope you fucking die!" He heard the words as if someone else had said them.

"Sirius…" Remus started, but it was too late. The door to the common room was slammed shut as Sirius made his exit. Remus stared at his knees they were shaking.


	2. Coming Undone

**Part II: Coming Undone**

Two years ago the Marauders had parted ways. They'd commenced their education at the prestigious wizard school Hogwarts, and each had gone in their own direction. Tentatively they kept in touch. Letters were sent back and forth, with tired owls carrying them through rain or snow. James and Lily got married, they were even expecting a baby in six months. Peter was working for the Ministry, and ferreting his way through records and files. Remus had gone to the European continent to travel the world, explore his options so to speak. And Sirius Black…well Sirius Black did what he did best: trouble.

Sirius had drifted aimlessly from occupation to occupation, from home to home. He had more landlords than he'd had birthdays by the time he was finally invited to stay with James and Lily. And for the time being that seemed to help. After graduating Sirius had slowly begun to drown himself in alcohol and solitude. He had seemed to grow more and more volatile as the months passed. And when he'd receive a letter from Remus, things always seemed to get a little bit worse.

So it was that Sirius was sitting on a couch in an apartment that wasn't his, nursing a bottle of rum and staring at a painting of a rotund kitten that played with a ball of yarn. He had grown in a hint of facial hair around his mouth and over his chin. His hair was longer than before, hanging like a shaggy, uneven black curtain around his face and down to brush along the nap of his neck. His clothes didn't fit as well. They were worn and aged, he'd stopped relying on the finances of his parents some time ago. He'd found it hard to feed himself properly with out a steady income, so he'd taken to eating food that didn't provide the right nutrients. At some point in the past two years he'd grown into himself more fully. His body had filled out with more muscle and definition. And while his waistline had shrunk, he was far from being underweight. He was barefoot, and his feet toyed with empty bottles from time to time, just to reassure himself they could still move.

On a table in front of him were spread the remaining pieces of letters. Carefully scribbled on every page were apologies and updates. Every note was signed the same, and none were more than a page. They had been unfolded and refolded so many times they had holes in the corner creases, and the paper its self was thin and almost fabric like. He read them daily, and there were smudges where greasy fingers had fondled the pages with out thought to preservation. He had each word memorized, though he only looked at them when alone. And tonight, he was very much alone.

The door knocked. He heard it and considered for one long moment not answering. He took his time standing, swaying slightly as the blood rushed back to his head in the motion. The bottle was clutched in his left hand, a swig drawn from it as he ambled towards the door. He pulled it open with out asking who was on the other end. In the doorway stood a figure very familiar.

Ragged around the edges, even more so than he had been as a child, Remus Lupin still looked very much the same. His hair was still a terminal mess, his skin was still awkwardly pale, and his clothes still looked as if they were meant for someone a size or two above him. Remus's eyes were wide with surprise at seeing Sirius, he stared awkwardly at the man who held the door open with one hand, and a bottle in the other. He glanced over head, checking the number of the flat.

"I'm s-sorry I thought this was where James and Lily were-" He was cut short when Sirius slammed the door in his face.

Sirius leaned against the door, pressing his forehead against the cool wood as he tried to catch his breath. When he'd seen Remus his heart had skipped, stumbled and stopped for a moment so long he'd been unable to think. He'd only been able to think so far as to close the door, and the sound of it slamming shut still echoed inside of his head, which ached. His weight came to rest in one hand, pressed into the frame and holding him up, locking at the elbow to keep from allowing him to melt against it. His mind was glazed with alcohol and he could barely bring his focus in on his fingers, splaying out in front of him. His lungs shook, felt like fire as he tried to breathe. The knots in his stomach tightened, twisted around themselves and made him feel as though he would vomit. Sweat had slicked his face, over his upper lip he felt it strongest, and the way it trickled down his spine leaving him trembling. He dimly heard Remus shuffle off down the hallway on the other side of the door, and only than did he feel he could breathe again.

 

 _At ten years old Sirius Black was a pale shadow of the man he would eventually become. He was a peter pan of sorts, bold and daring, and would loudly proclaim to never want to grow up to any one who asked. He played in the mud with sticks that poised as swords, and cloth tied around his head proclaiming him king of the land. He was imaginative, and his beady black eyes held a twinkle in them, a wild gleam that was always present just before he executed some well-planed bit of mischief. He wore his black hair a little long, so he could tie it back with strips of leather and stolen ribbons from his mother's stash in a drawer in the drawing room. He was at that awkward stage where he seemed to some how be comprised entirely of arms and legs, with the occasional knee or elbow thrown in._

 _His best friend was a boy who shared many things in common with Sirius, the most of which was a neighborly setting. Arthur was a blonde haired boy, with stringy shoulders and limbs that made even the gangly Sirius seem slightly manlier. He had glazed blue eyes that stared at the sky and passing clouds for hours on end, and told Sirius stories about Knights, Kings, Queens and best of all Princes who saved the day._

 _But one thing Arthur and Sirius did not share, were their talents. Arthur was a storyteller, an imaginative artist. He drew, and wrote stories that made his parents gush with glee and tell him he'd be famous someday. Sirius had no such luck. His drawings all managed to come out askew, and his stories never quite seemed to follow a concise path. But Sirius had other talents, talents that his family boasted about in circles where magic was routine, and being a wizard was expected. Arthur had no idea that the fantasy games he played with Sirius had truth in the dark haired boy's life. Arthur was a muggle. Sirius was a young wizard from a family of wizards that dated back centuries._

 _So it was, that one day while sitting on a stone wall out side of a park that Sirius experienced his first taste of something other than his family's choosing. He sat with Arthur, and they chatted about the dragon recently expelled from the jungle gym behind them. They laughed and compared the size of his teeth to that of Arthur's dog Benny. Benny had kindly volunteered to play the dragon that afternoon._

 _Their legs dangled just a few inches too short to touch the ground below. Sirius kicked his heals against the rocks and let them bounce back up as they would. Arthur was knee deep in explaining why the dragon had attacked on this particular day. His eyes glowed with enthusiasm for his story, and Sirius watched with a lopsided grin on his face, interjecting the various witting remarks he'd made in the face of the battle. Arthur always agreed that Sirius was the bravest and the most clever of the Knights. When there were only two, it was not hard to be the best._

 _"We need to have a princess." Arthur said with a sigh finally. "It's very hard to rescue a castle from a dragon when there's no princess to kiss at the end."_

 _"You could be the princess." Sirius said. "I could rescue you."_

 _"But I want to fight the dragon too." Arthur insisted._

 _Sirius thought for a moment and than shrugged. "You could be a princess who fights dragons?"_

 _"I could!" Arthur's eyes glowed again, and he lost himself in thought on how a princess would fight dragons._

 _"If you're a princess, Artie, I have to kiss you." Sirius said it cautiously. His stomach had suddenly knotted up inside of him, and he felt dizzy._

 _"Okay." Arthur said, looking at Sirius with round blue eyes._

 _Sirius held his breath for a moment, and then slowly leaned in. He placed his lips gently on his friends, as he'd seen in the pictures on the covers of the books Arthur's mother collected. He pulled away, and his cheeks were bright red, his whole face felt hot. His mouth was dry and he couldn't make his tongue, which suddenly seemed awkward in its place, to form words. Arthur's face had turned red as well, and a tiny bit of sweat had gathered in his palms, he was furiously rubbing them on his thighs, trying to get the sweat to stay to the jeans._

 _Sirius finally managed to wet his lips, giving them back moisture that they seemed to have lost. He leaned in again to kiss Arthur, this time closing his eyes and staying longer with his lips pressed to the other boys. He felt Arthur lean in, apply more pressure, so Sirius reacted in turn. He'd never kissed any one before, he wasn't sure what to do next._

 _The question was answered for him when he heard his father's booming voice bellow out his name. "Sirius!"_

 _There was no mistaking the anger, and Sirius quickly pulled away from Arthur to stare at the man he called father. His black hair was caught by a breeze and pulled away from his face, making Mr. Black look a more menacing figure than ever before._

 _"I have to go." Sirius muttered and didn't bother to look at Arthur. He jumped from the wall and hurried towards his father. He heard Arthur call behind him that he'd forgotten his sword. Sirius didn't turn back for it._

 _At his father's side the anger in the man's face was much more apparent. He stared down at Sirius with cold brown eyes, his hand reached out and grabbed the boy's arm. He drug Sirius home._

 _At the door way to the Black Manor Sirius was flung inside. He landed on his hands and knees on a hard wood floor that did not give when he landed. He glanced up in time to see his father's hand coming at him. He closed his eyes just before the large palm caught him across his jaw. The larger Black sent Sirius to the ground fully. His ribs bent and jarred to one side when he was kicked._

 _"Do you know what they call little boys who kiss other little boys, Sirius?" Mr. Black bellowed down at his crumpled son._

 _Sirius struggled to sit up right. His head spun and he could feel the bruise forming on his jaw. "No, Sir." He touched the side of his face where it stung._

 _"Faggot." Mr. Black snarled and shoved Sirius's shoulders back. Sirius fell backwards and his the back of his head cracked against the wood. It echoed inside of his ears._

 _"Do you want to be a faggot, boy?" Mr. Black was dragging Sirius to his feet. Helpless Sirius stood with his head hung low._

 _"No, Sir."_

 _"I don't want you ever going near that boy again! Do you hear me?" He struck Sirius's face again. This time a nail caught on the boy's lip and tore the skin open so it bled._

 _Sirius felt tears well in his eyes, they stung almost as much as the side of his face. "Y-y-yes , sir" He whimpered._

 _"Don't cry, you pathetic waste." Mr. Black gave Sirius one final shove that sent the boy back to the floor with a hard thump, and stalked towards the kitchen._

 

Sirius touched the side of his face. He could still feel that impact of that slap. He stared at his reflection in the tiny mirror above the wash room's sink. It was chipped at the edges, and cracked close to the top where it had once been dropped before being installed, but the reflection was clear. Sirius could see the bags under his dark eyes, and the faint shadow that was trying to grow in along his jaw where he was trying to remain clean. He cupped his hands under the cold running water and splashed it over his face.

His wet reflection was no more appealing than the dry. He glanced down at the freestanding sink. The water spooled inside the basin, and was sucked down the drain in a minute tornado affect. He had not expected to ever see Remus Lupin again, and to find him standing on the other side of the doorway had been a shock. His hands still quivered to think about the face of the man staring back at him. He put them on the edge of the sink, gripping it to keep them from further shaking.

He lifted his head again and stared at himself. The man in the mirror stared back, just as blankly. Sirius stared at the years on his face, he stared hard into his own black eyes, and studied his lips and even his chin where the goatee was forming. He breathed harder as the time slipped by, and he felt himself trembling. He growled at himself, sneering and pulling his upper lip back to reveal his teeth.

"Don't cry, you pathetic waste." He stared at himself. "You fucking fag."

He drew his fist back and hurled it at his reflection, aiming for his own nose. He hit it, and the mirror broke beneath the impact. The glass shards stabbed at his knuckles, tearing open his skin and letting blood pool out. The broken pieces of the mirror fell and gathered on the tiny silver shelf it rested just above, a few even making it all the way down to the sink. Sirius stared at his own hand, watched his own blood fall into the sink and dilute in the running water. He thrust his hand under the cold stream, and hissed when it hurt.


	3. Walk a Thousand Miles to Slip This Skin

**Part III: Walk A Thousand-Miles to Slip this Skin**

James and Lily didn't say anything when they came home and found the mirror broken. They also didn't say anything when they noticed Sirius was bleeding. It wasn't a first for either occurrence. Lily silently cleaned up the broken glass in the wash room, carefully avoiding cutting her fingers. James sat silently with Sirius in the living room. On the couch beside him they both stared at the painting of the fuzzy kitten, saying nothing.

James broke the silence first. "So I saw Remus, he was waiting for us at the bottom steps when we came home."

"Bully for you." Sirius responded with out looking over.

"He seemed to enjoy Europe. He gave me a note to give to you, I told him he should give it to you himself."

"I don't want to see him."

"Yeah, that's what he said. Said you didn't seem pleased to see him when he knocked on the door." James glanced carefully at Sirius, trying to gage his friend's reactions.

Sirius's face hadn't changed, his eyes were glazed over. James frowned, he leaned forward and plucked one of the sheets of half folded parchment from the coffee table. He'd always been aware of Sirius's shift when he received the letters, but had never asked what was in them to upset the man so. He watched Sirius for several more moments before he turned his eyes down to the page and skimmed the text. His frown only deepened as the phrases popped out at him.

"Sirius?" He cautioned. There was no answer beside him. "What happened between you guys?"

"I'm going out." Sirius stood abruptly and snatched his long coat from the back of an arm chair as he passed by it on his way to the door.

"Sirius, come on talk to me!" James insisted as he followed Sirius to the door.

"Leave it alone, James."

"Come on!" James reached out and held the door closed as they reached it. Pushing on it with his weight to keep Sirius from opening it. "What happened? You've been acting like some sort of scorned love-"

"Shut the hell up! Just leave it alone! Leave it alone!" Sirius used superior might to pry the door open against James' weight. He drug it open and stepped out into the hall not bothering to shut it after him. James came out into the hall to watch Sirius leave. He ran a hand through his short black hair, brown eyes wrinkling with nose as he watched his best friend disappear down a darkened stairwell.


	4. Unrecognizable to Myself

**Part IV: Unrecognizable to Myself**

The weather was bitter and cold. Snow had been falling on alternating days for the past few weeks, and it left a pleasant white blanket over everything. On the streets of Diagon Alley the snow was brown and in most parts turned to slush from traffic. Sirius found himself wondering down the street towards the Leaky Cauldron. He slipped in the back door and shook off the slush and mud from his boots. He felt cold, right down through his spine and shivered as he approached the warm center of the pub.

At the bar he sat and ordered a shot of something strong and hot. The proprietor stared at him for a long moment, made a passing comment that the boy looked like he'd had plenty of strong and hot to suit him, but poured the glass of warm butter rum anyway. They repeated the dance for a second glass a few minutes later.

Sirius was on his third glass when Remus came through the door. The wind came in with him and brushed along the back of Sirius's neck. He turned to see the man standing in the doorway, frozen. Remus was staring back with his eyes like saucers. His face was red on his cheeks from the wind whipping at it, and slowly it was spreading as he regained himself from his shock. Remus shook out his coat, it had begun to snow again. He held a rumbled leather bag at his side. It had patches stitched over the corners, and a battered scarf poked out of one end like the tongue of a serpent. He gave Sirius one more glance before hurrying up the stairs to the rented rooms on the upper levels.

Sirius watched him go, followed him with dark narrowed eyes. His hands held the glass so tightly the glass felt hot in his fingers. When Remus had vanished, Sirius turned back to his drink. He took the last half of it in a single gulp and staggered to his feet. He left a hefty tip with the price of his three shots, mostly because he didn't want to wait for the change. He found himself surprisingly steady as he climbed the steps following Remus's trail.

He didn't have to spend too long thinking to decide which room was Remus', they were all identical on the out side, but several had do not disturb signs posted on the doors. And behind the door he guessed to belong to Remus there was a flurry of activity. He didn't knock, Sirius had never been good about that even when young.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius demanded, filling the doorway. Sirius, unlike Remus, could fill a room with his very presence just by being there. He had a certain aura that carried through the room and let everything feel the weight of his anger.

"I don't know, maybe I'm coming to see my friends?" Remus snapped coldly. He had a glare for Sirius when he looked at him, but couldn't hold the black stare for long. He turned away and continued emptying the few small possessions he owned from his bag.

Sirius stepped into the room and slid the door shut behind him. It clicked loudly. "Stay away from me."

"You're the one who came into my room." Remus pointed out; pointing his finger at the door Sirius had just closed.

"So?" Sirius didn't move.

"So, if you want me to stay away from you, it'd be a lot easier if you weren't in my room. Don't you think?" Remus arched both brows at Sirius, folding his arms across his chest. He quickly dropped them, releasing it would reveal how he'd lost weight since leaving the country.

"I hate you." Sirius snarled.

"I figured that one out on my own. Seventeen unanswered letters sends a very clear signal." Remus turned away from him and reached into his bag to pull out a small bar of chocolate. It was wrapped in gold foil and one of the corners had already been broken off. He snapped the other corner off and stuck it in his mouth while his hands folded the foil carefully over it and stuck it back inside of his bag. When he reached to take it out of his mouth he paused, staring at the piece in his hand. Sirius was the one who'd gotten him started on chocolate, always offering it whenever Remus seemed a little out of sorts. Sirius had been convinced chocolate could fix any problem. Remus set the uneaten piece on a small table next to the old, down stuffed bed.

"You kept sending them."

"What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment." Remus sent another withering glance in Sirius's direction.

Sirius came further into the room. Remus stepped back as the darker man came forward. It felt as if Sirius filled the entire room, and Remus was going to be crushed under him.

"Why did you send so many to James and Lily?" He was angry, it boiled in his coal eyes as he stared at Remus. It was a harsh stare, unwavering and accusing in nature.

"They wrote me back." Remus said simply, shrugging his narrow shoulders.

"Maybe if you'd written me more, I'd have written back." Sirius took a step closer, this time to his surprise Remus didn't back away. So he took another one.

"I doubt that. You hate me, remember?" Remus found himself staring at Sirius's eyes. They were casting daggers at him even now.

"I might have still written back." He could touch Remus now, he was close enough to notice the way Remus's fingers were quivering ever so slightly. He saw the faint shine of sweat on his brown and on his upper lip. Sirius reached an arm out, and let his hand touch Remus's shoulder. Remus jumped slightly, Sirius dropped his hand.

"Sirius…." Remus seemed to fumble, and the words choked in his throat.

"Remus." Sirius responded flatly.

"Sirius I-" He sighed. Defeated he stared down at his scuffed shoes.

"Remus, you." Sirius said, again with nothing in his voice. He was so close now their chests touched. He could smell Remus's cologne and the scent of sweat and after shave some where beneath that. He could see the tiny brown flecks in Remus's copper eyes. He stared down at him, noticing a few faint lines on the man's face that hadn't been there two years ago. He could feel Remus shaking, trembling and quivering right next to him.

He was ready when Remus kissed him. He was ready and caught him in a tight embrace. Sirius opened his mouth and instantly took Remus's tongue inside. He pushed against the smaller man, holding tightly to him and throwing himself into the kiss. He pushed so hard Remus had to back up, and eventually the man's body went stiff against a wall that wouldn't let him back away anymore. Sirius held one hand around Remus's waist pulling him close, while the other snaked through the brown and gray stands of his hair. Sirius's fingers coiled in the strands, holding them as tightly as he held the kiss.

Remus couldn't help himself, he gave into the kiss and his arms held tightly around Sirius's waist. He could feel the strong muscles beneath his fingers as they clenched at the darker man's sides. He had never kissed any one the way he kissed Sirius. He felt Sirius's heart, heard it in his ears even louder than his own. He could smell the heat of Sirius's body and taste the rum he'd been drinking just before. He was so caught up in the kiss that when Sirius pulled away, Remus had to cling to the man's clothes to keep from sliding to the floor. His knees shook violently beneath him.

Sirius stared at Remus, meeting his eyes. There was something unusual in the black eyes Sirius had only moments before held in deep anger. Something very close to fear, his pulse raged in his ears, and he couldn't force his fingers to move, they remained closely woven in Remus's hair. It took several long moments, with caramel eyes staring back at him, pleading with him, before Sirius could fully step away. He pulled himself free of Remus's grasp and left the man against the wall as he backed up slowly. His onyx eyes were wider than before, open with the whites showing as he stared at Remus, as if he were something alien to him.

"Sirius…. Sirius, please. Don't go." Remus pleaded. He leaned against the wall, holding himself there. He couldn't trust his knees just yet.

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not a fag." He said, though it was soft, and had traces of whimper beneath it. "I'm not." He insisted. He shook his head again, this time more violently, sending his black hair in all directions. He turned and rushed the door, it flew open and banged at the opposite wall with the force.

Remus found his legs again and hurried after him. "Sirius, please don't go. Please!" He got half way down the hall chasing the man, who could move as swift as any creature it seemed, when Remus realized he'd forgotten his coat. He turned, hurrying back inside to snatch it from the bedpost. By the time he reached the streets of Diagon Alley Sirius was no where to be found.

"Damn it!"


	5. Feel Myself Fading Away

**Part V: Feel Myself Fading Away**

Remus searched every shop on the Alley for Sirius. And he double-checked all the pubs. There was no sign of him, and few had even seen him in the past few weeks. There was really only one place left to look. So armed with a fresh bar of chocolate from Honeyduke's, Remus started up the hill towards the shrieking shack.

Remus knew every inch of the broken down house intimately. He'd have rather not, but it was a safe place to hide when the moon was full. He had memories that didn't quite fit as being his own. He had vivid flashes of them as he passed by torn curtains and furniture that had been ripped open and the stuffing spread all across the floor. He climbed the stairs to the familiar bedroom, and pushed it open.

He found Sirius sitting on a dusty floor. The room hadn't changed any since he'd last been it, though that had not been because he was chasing down a way ward friend. It was dank, small and cramped. There was a single bed that had seen better days. The headboard was ripped with long claw marks. Sirius's head was down, staring at something that was between his out stretched legs.

"Sirius?" Remus asked softly as he stepped into the room.

Sirius's head snapped up with a jerk, and dark eyes shown bright in the fading daylight. They were wet, moist and shinning with what little light filtered through tattered and moth eaten curtains. He sniffed once and closed his eyes briefly, only to open them again. "Fag?"

Remus glared at him.

"Smoke." Sirius corrected.

Remus smiled and shook his head. He carefully sat himself down next to his old friend. He looked about the room from that vantage point and was surprised to realize it was the exact spot Sirius spent the nights with Remus's more feral half.

"When did you start?" He asked quietly, folding his hands together on his lap.

"When do you think?" Sirius glanced at him. Stared even. He saw the tiny details in Remus's face that made it stand out so far from every one else's. The small wrinkles around his eyes that were from smiling too much.

Remus frowned and turned his head to look at Sirius. He blinked several times when he was greeted with Sirius stare in return. He held his gaze, watching the black eyes of the other man for a long moment.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered.

"Quit apologizing, Moony. You sound like a politician." Sirius had a hint of himself in his words again. He returned to staring at some point in the room that had no significance to any thing.

"I don't want you to hate me." Remus said softly, following Sirius's gaze to the far wall. He could see a tiny hole a mouse had chewed in the floorboards.

The room was quiet again. It hung around like a thick London fog. Everything in the room was completely still, the only motion were the rise and fall of each man's chest as they breathed in the quiet.

"It's not you I hate, Remus." Sirius said it so softly, if Remus had not had advantages in his hearing he'd have missed it.

Remus fished the bar of chocolate out of his pocket. He meticulously unwrapped it, the foil made an obnoxiously loud noise in the quiet. He broke it in half and gave one half to Sirius, who took it quietly and began chewing.

 

 _"What is going on here?" Mr. Black bellowed as he barged into the kitchen. His face was dark and his thick eyebrows were almost touching as he glared between his son and his wife._

 _"I caught that little fairy-" She threw an accusing finger in Sirius's direction. "Wanking in his room to this!" She screeched the last word and thrust a framed photograph towards Mr. Black._

 _Mr. Black took the photograph and stared at the image inside of the ornate silver and black frame. Inside was a young boy, no more than Sirius's own age, smiling softly up at him. He waved every once in a while, and laughed softly. He had brown hair with gray streaks and copper yellow eyes. Mr. Black looked up from the photo to his son. Sirius was staring back at him with a glare in his black eyes._

 _"You miserable little pervert." He accused and threw the fire into the hearth that comprised the center of the kitchen. The flames instantly lapped at the frame, eating away at the glass and melting the back away to singe the edges of the photograph._

 _"No!" Sirius dove for the picture. He was caught around his waist and flung backwards by a strong blast. He hit the far wall and slid to the floor. He could see his father holding his wand out with the end pointed at him._

 _"I won't have faggots in this house, am I clear, Sirius?" He screamed at the boy, coming closer._

 _Sirius was silent for a long moment. His nostrils flared and he took short shallow breaths rapidly, one after the other as he glared up at his parent. "Yes, Sir." He squeezed the words out of his clenched jaw._

 _"Get up and go to your room. I don't want to see you. You do something like this again, so help me, boy, you won't see sixteen!" Mr. Black pointed towards the exit._

 _Sirius scrambled to his feet, sliding once on a slick spot on the polished floor. He glanced from one parent to the other, before darting out of the swinging door. His mother chased after him, hurrying to keep up with the long legged stride of her youngest. She stood at the foot of the steps as Sirius took them two at a time to the top._

 _"You're on punishment from now on you little freak! You screw up even once I'll have your father throw your miserable waste of noble flesh out onto the streets! See how your little friends like you than! Homeless and a faggot! No one wants you! You are pathetic! You are worthless! No one will ever love a miserable little faggot like you! Do you hear me? Do you hear me?"_

 _Sirius slammed his bed room door behind him, shutting out her high pitched screeching voice._

 _Sirius sat alone in his bedroom. Tears ran down his face helplessly. He held his knees to his chest and let his chin sit atop them. He stared at the door he'd slammed, half expecting it to fly open. Several hours slipped by in that matter. Sirius's eyes glazed over, and he lost track of his thoughts as they wandered away from him._

 _He undid the long tassels that held the thick black curtains in his room open. It was a bright silver color and glittered faintly with the single candle that lit the room. He tested its strength by pulling on it several times. It felt sturdy._

 _He stood on a stool to reach the beam that stretched just a few inches blow the ceiling from one wall to the other in his room. He secured the rope, tying a double-ended knot he'd learned as a boy, supposedly inescapable. He'd see. He made certain the knot on the other end slid and moved freely up and down the length of the rope. When he put the open end around his neck and tightened it slightly he coughed. It felt uncomfortable, rubbing on his throat and pressing uncomfortably on his windpipe._

 _He did feel afraid when he stepped off the stool. He only felt afraid in the last moment when he felt the noose tighten and pull firmly on his neck right up to his chin. The pain didn't last long, his head felt light and his body felt heavy, and he lost consciousness after a few pitiful kicks to find his footing, only to discover he'd kicked the stool away._

 _The blackness didn't last long either. The knot wasn't as sure fire as he'd remembered and it slid, giving way underneath his weight. He fell to the floor in a lifeless lump. It was only a few minutes with the pressure alleviated before his eyes snapped open. The first breath he took was ragged and mixed with a heavy sob. He pulled on the rope at his neck, loosening it further, pulling it from his throat. He couldn't stop the sobs, or the tears. His nails cut into the floor and splinters dove their way underneath his fingernails, causing them to bleed. He whimpered, he sobbed and let his tears flow fast and violent down his cheeks._


	6. Night Has Fallen

**Part VI: Night Has Fallen**

Sirius awoke to find his head resting on Remus's shoulder, and Remus's arm around him. He was startled to realize it was comfortable, and felt natural to be leaning against the other man while sleeping. He didn't remember falling asleep, only that at some point he'd said something along the lines of needing resting. The next thing he knew he was awake in another man's arms. And he had the worst headache of his life.

He carefully slipped out from under the embrace, tucking Remus's arm back down at his side. The sun had fully set in the time he'd been in the shrieking shack and out side the world was white with winter snow, and dark with a waxing moon over head. He pulled his coat from his shoulders, shrugging out of it and laying it across Remus's body. He tucked it under his chin, and made certain it covered as much as possible. It was cold inside the shack, and probably colder out side. Sirius could see his breath fogging before him as he hurried down the stairs. He shivered when he burst out into the night air it was much colder.

He'd been home for some time, when he heard the door knock. James and Lily had fallen asleep in a room attached to the main part of the flat. Sirius occupied the couch. He found he wasn't able to sleep much any more, so he spent his time staring at the painting of the kitten. It played merrily with its string, with out noticing the world around it. Sirius felt envious of the kitten most days. Tonight was no different.

He had all of the letters out, staring up at him from the coffee table. He worked hard at ignoring him, though he'd already read through them once. Combed them for something else in the pages that hadn't been there before. They were unchanged. Though they had been ordered by date, which meant James had read through all of them. Sirius took another swill from the long neck of the bottle of beer. It was sour tasting and not as smooth or as pleasant as the rum, but it was handy.

He heard the door knock once, and ignored it. When it came a second time this time louder he stood up. He didn't want whoever it was on the other side to wake James and Lily. They deserved to rest. He pulled open the door and frowned when he saw Remus. Remus was holding out his coat to him with a hopeful smile on his face.

Sirius took a step back and went to shut the door, but couldn't. Remus had stuck his foot between the door and the frame to keep it from closing all the way.

"I just want to make sure you're okay." He offered from behind the door. "And could you ease up, this is killing my foot."

Sirius backed away and let Remus into the apartment. Remus folded the coat over one arm and carefully slid the door shut behind him, letting it rest closed as not to wake any one way. He swallowed hard and glanced around the room. He noticed the empty beer bottles on the floor, which had a faint odor about them that suggested they hadn't accumulated in one night. He saw remnants of other bottles, and knew they had once contained alcohol as well by the smell in the room and the labels on the glass. He carefully set the coat over the back of an armchair and let his frown deepen when he noticed the letters on the coffee table.

"You saved all these?" He asked, going to them and lifting one from the pile.

"And?" Sirius asked, his surely temper showing in a growl.

"I would have thought you'd have thrown them out." Remus carefully fingered one of the more worn letters. He re-read his own words and found them haunting and depressing.

"Why would I do that?" Sirius was growing impatient. His feet paced a few steps and stopped. He picked up the bottle he'd been nursing and finished it off in one swoop.

"Sirius, you shouldn't drink so much." Remus cautioned, watching the dark haired man swallow the alcohol with out flinching.

"Really? Thank you, mother. I couldn't have figured that one out on my own."

Remus frowned and set the pages aside. He stood again and shook his head. "I think I made a mistake in coming here."

"No, really?" Sirius snickered a bit and leaned against the wall that had the picture of the kitten.

Remus let his tongue touch his lips, and his breath come deep into his chest and exhaled again before he spoke. "You know what you're real problem is, Sirius?"

"What?" The challenge in his black eyes danced, screamed and beat against the walls of an invisible cage.

"You are an arrogant asshole. You spend so much time drinking booze and smoking your cigarettes you can't see what is right in front of you!"

"Oh? And what's that, Remus?" The anger was leaking into the rest of his features. His shoulders were tense and his face was dark and his mouth had formed a deep frown.

"Me. I'm still your friend, Sirius. I want to help you. I don't want to see you hurt, or see you hurt yourself." Remus threw his hands into the air in defeat. His face pleaded with Sirius.

Sirius growled and took several steps forward. He pressed in on Remus looking down at him with a menacing glare. "Yeah, Remus? What are you going to do to help me, huh? Teach me to fuck like an animal? Or how about teaching me to howl at the full moon? Think you can help me with that one, Moony? What do the likes of you have to offer me?" Each word was filled with more anger than the word before. He was hissing each syllable by the time he finished.

He lost his vicious snarl for a moment when he saw Remus's face, clear beneath his looking up at him like a wounded puppy. It was the face of someone who'd heard words like that before, and Sirius's face drained of all color. He opened his mouth, he had a sorry ready, but was cut off.

"Go to hell, Sirius Black." This time it was Remus Lupin who walked away.

Sirius watched him go, blinking several times as if it would clear his vision and he'd still have the opportunity to apologize. He heard a noise behind him and turned to see James standing in the entryway to his bedroom. He shook his head at Sirius and slipped back inside, closing the door behind him.

Sirius sat back down on the couch, not bothering to stop himself from half flopping down. He pulled out one of the letters and stared at the words. He wrinkled the page in his hand, closing it around his fist as he lifted his eyes to the kitten. He took a long breath in through his nose and out again with a quivering sigh.


	7. No Angel to Greet Me

**Part VII: No Angel to Greet Me**

It had been two weeks since Sirius had last seen Remus. He'd thought once about going to see him, and gotten as far as the steps to the second floor of the Leaky Cauldron before he backed out of it. He'd spent the evening at the bar inside, ordering shot after shot. But it was a night when he heard from James and Lily's room a rumor that Sirius finally made the trudge up the stairs.

He didn't knock on the door, simply threw it open and stepped inside with a demanding voice. "What is all this talk about you leaving again!"

Remus jumped, almost out of his skin. His hands went fumbling for his wand on the nightstand and reached out to point it at the intruder. He breathed a sigh of relief when it was just Sirius standing his room. He set his wand down and resumed a glare in the other man's direction.

"What do you want now?" He turned back to his bag where he was slowly, methodically putting things into it.

"Why are you leaving?" Sirius made certain the door was closed before he came further into the room. His face was a dark storm cloud, hovering and waiting for the right moment to explode in to a full-fledged raging force.

"Because as you are so fond of pointing out, Sirius, I have no money." Remus carefully folded a white shirt that had frayed threads at the cuffs.

"I'll pay for the room." Sirius offered and found the desperation in his own voice disturbing. He coughed, and looked at the floor.

"No, you won't." Remus replied matter of factly.

"Remus…" Sirius took a short step forward. He rested a hand on one of the bed posts on the old bed.

"No, Sirius. I think we've said everything we need to one another." He turned and looked at Sirius. "Can you please leave?"

Sirius frowned, his brows almost touched with the deep expression. "Remus-"

"Leave, Sirius." Remus spoke firmly, with his jaw set and his chin raised.

Sirius glanced over his shoulder at the door, and than back against to Remus. His face had lost the frown and now there was something very different in his expression. He ran his tongue once over his lips and shook his head. His shoulders slouched forward and down as he turned, heading back towards the door. He kept his eyes on the ground in front of him for several strides and than stopped.

He turned back around and looked at Remus. Remus was watching him, large copper eyes staring openly at the taller figure. Sirius took a deep breath and squared his jaw. His chest rose and fell in several rapid breaths as he met the brunette's gaze. He held his breath suddenly and rushed back across the room. His hand reached out and snagged Remus's arm pulling him close. He pressed a kiss down on the man, hard and firm. It was unforgiving and pushed down on Remus with a strength Sirius hadn't realized he'd had.

Remus was caught off guard by the kiss, and it lulled him into submission. He found his head pushed at an awkward angle, and Sirius's mouth came down on his so hard it almost hurt. He felt the fingers at his arm, holding tightly just above his elbow dig into the flesh and he suspected it would leave a bruise. He wrestled his arm free and put both hands on Sirius's chest, and pushed. He stepped back in the same moment.

"Stop it." He commanded, not meeting the other man's eyes, but staring at his neck instead. "Just stop it, Sirius."

"I don't hate you, Remus. I don't." Sirius was disgusted by the pleading in his voice, but couldn't stop it. His chest hurt, it felt like a thousand bricks were pressing down on him and slowly squeezing the air out of him.

Remus stared straight ahead at the space on Sirius's neck. He could see it move and flex with each breath Sirius took in and exhaled out. He noticed the way Sirius swallowed and hesitated as if he was having a hard time doing so. He felt his own heart echo the beat of Sirius's. It was pulling, tugging on him and it made his knees feel weak.

Remus took one of his hands away from Sirius's chest and raised it to the dark, thick hair on the man's head. He lifted his eyes in the same moment and met Sirius's stare. In those pitch black eyes he saw something he'd never noticed before, something that showed only in the most fragile of moments when Sirius was hanging by a thin wire above a pit of complete despair. Remus saw fear and pain. Sirius was frightened and hurt.

Remus's fingers curled in the black strands, locking in place to gently push and guide Sirius's head downwards. He met his lips part way, kissing him gently. He didn't rush, he slid his mouth open, and let his tongue snake across Sirius's inviting him to do the same. He compiled almost instantly, and Remus felt his body press against Sirius's in a way that begged for intimacy.

Sirius felt himself give into the kiss. He felt his whole body sink into it, meld against Remus's and hold onto him tightly as he opened his mouth and pushed his tongue to meet with Remus's. He felt the pain and anger inside of him melt away and be replaced with a strange tension. His body was tight, and more noticeably his groin felt tight. He felt himself pressed against the zipper in his pants and painfully constrained. He tried to release the energy building his gut and the butterflies dancing in his stomach be pushing further into the kiss. To his surprise Remus gave and bent slightly backwards. Sirius chased after him with his mouth and before he knew what was happening his body was leaning atop Remus's and both were spread across the bed.

Sirius broke the kiss to glance at the minimal space between their bodies. His weight rested comfortable in his strong arms. He looked up to Remus's face, which was filled with apprehension, as if he was waiting to be scolded once again. Sirius kissed him again. He transferred his weight to one side, using a knee to help even the load as a free hand slid down over Remus's body.

He let his fingers work southward with lazy intentions. They glided down the thin fabric covering Remus's chest, pausing over the center of his belly to pull on the bottom and tug it free of the belt-cinched waist. When his fingers touched Remus's bare flesh for the first time the man cried out. Stuttering into Sirius's kiss. Sirius only kissed him harder, reforming the seal with his lips. His hand continued its journey, pulling the leather and metal belt open. It wasn't hard to single handedly open Remus's fly. When Sirius's fingers found what they were after, he closed them around the stiff organ.

"Jesus!" Remus cried out, breaking the kiss again to catch his breath.

"Sirius." He corrected, tossing his head slightly to remove strands of raven from his face. He bent his head again and kissed the man once more.

Beneath him Remus squirmed, and shifted. Sirius had to force the kiss deeper to keep from making any noise of his own. Each movement pushed Remus's thigh against Sirius's groin and it treaded dangerous close the line between pleasure and pain. He helped how he could to get Remus's pants off, moving enough to give the man room to kick them free of his legs. When Remus was free, Sirius put his mouth on the man's neck and drew kisses along his collarbone.

Remus opened his eyes slowly as he felt Sirius's mouth moving over his skin. He took a ragged breath trying to remain calm. It was increasingly difficult. He looked down at his own hands that seemed to move with a foreign assuredness to Sirius's pants. Sirius had no belt to struggle with, and his flip sprung open with ease. When Remus pushed the pants down he let his fingers skim over the smooth crest of Sirius's ass, and felt the man trembled beneath the touch. Remus couldn't help but smirk when he noticed no underwear; he'd always suspected Sirius of going commando. Remus let his fingers move around Sirius's waist and it was Sirius's turn to gasp when Remus's fingers found his sensitive flesh.

They held one another like that, slowly stroking and kissing. Their mouths found each other time and time again, tongues running patterns over lips and gums. Sirius seemed to drink Remus in, incapable of finding enough in the kisses or the touches. His hips moved with the motion of Remus's hands, grinding into them with fevered intensity. Remus kissed between gentle moans.

Sirius was only half-sure of what he was doing when he pushed Remus's hands away from him. His body was tense and he could feel his insides were ready to explode. He remained under control of himself long enough to position his penis against the opening at Remus's rear. He pushed, and Remus screamed.

Sirius abandoned everything all at once and stared down at Remus's face. His mouth was agape and he started to fumble with some words. "I-I-I…" His face had lost color and he held himself paralyzed over Remus's body.

Remus reached with both hands to gently cup either side of Sirius's face. His thumbs ran over the line drawn by dark hairs around his mouth and his chin. "Shhh." He cooed to Sirius, letting his voice be little more than a whisper. He kissed him lightly. "Let me."

Remus had a surprising amount of agility in his body. He was thin and some might have thought of him as frail but he had muscle, enough to push Sirius onto his back. Remus crawled atop him in one smooth mouth, and reaffirmed his position with a single kiss. He brought one hand to his mouth and allowed gathered saliva to be spilled onto his fingers. He rubbed them over the tip of his penis and along the sides gently. He lowered his mouth for another kiss, and slowly pushed the rounded head of his member inside Sirius.

Sirius groaned, startled by the way it felt. It was uncomfortable at first and he moved beneath the pressure. Remus's mouth was near his ear and he heard the man's voice through a haze of emotions scrambling his brain. "Relax. I won't hurt you, Sirius. I'll never hurt you." It was solemn promise, drug slowly from his lips that found their partner once more. Remus's tongue moved into Sirius's mouth as his penis pushed inside of him.

For a moment they were both still. All Sirius could hear was Remus's breath in his ear. His heart had stopped moving he was unable to sense anything beyond Remus. When Remus started moving again, slowly drawing himself back and pushing forward, Sirius heard himself moan as if it were someone else. He tried to kiss Remus again but found he couldn't breathe, so he pulled his mouth away and let his head lay back against the bed. Remus's mouth left soft kisses down his neck and along his shoulders. Sirius's hands braced in Remus's hair, and slid through it to move over the man's back. His fingers curled and his nails dug into the man's skin as his body twisted and climbed high atop the peaks of pleasure. He rolled his head back, and closed his eyes tight, his hips pressed against Remus's slow moving body as he came.

"Oh God!" He called out as his back curved and arched upwards as his penis jerked and exploded. He felt his own liquid spill onto his stomach, hot and sticky. It was sooner than he'd meant for it to be, and part of him felt ashamed for not being able to hold out longer. He could breathe again, and his breath came back to his quickly, leaving his head to spin.

Remus's eyes were open and he stared down at Sirius as he slowly moved inside of him. He'd been able to educate himself in more than academia while touring Europe, though he'd never been in his current position before. And no fantasy was ever as good as the real thing. "Sirius" he whispered, putting his mouth against the other man's ear. "Sirius I-" Whatever had been on his tongue was lost as he came. His body stiffened over the whole of it and then relaxed just as suddenly. His breath came out in a long groan for Sirius's ears only.

Sirius was still, his breath panting in Remus's ear. When he moved it was to put his hands in Remus's hair and hold fast to him. Tightly he refused to let the man move away from him. He felt Remus stir, move his mouth closer to his ear, and he felt the hot breath graze along his lobe and neck.

"I love you, Sirius." Remus whispered, pressing his cheek firmly against the chiseled one belonging to Sirius. "I always have, I always will."

Sirius didn't say anything. His heart had stopped beating again. His arms tightened around Remus's body, holding tighter to the strength in his narrow shoulders. He pressed his face against Remus's collarbone, and squeezed his eyes shut tight. He waited for his heart to climb out of his throat and start beating again.

# The End 


End file.
